The Man That I Have Become And the Journey That Has Lead Me There
There was a point in my life when I realized that there was more than friends, sports, and play. I realized the realities that we face, the harsh truths that exist. Although I lived in a stable household and was sheltered from the world, I saw the way that some people suffered, and it made me view everything in a new light. I started to realize that even some of those who thought they had it all were not truly living. I started to wonder why no one just chased their dreams and set out to be free. Why did everyone routinely endure the same dull lifestyles? I wanted to make change. I wanted to be free. I wanted to run wild. My solution throughout middle school and my Freshman and Sophomore years of high school was to put all of this curiosity into skiing and sports. I trained by running, roller skiing, skiing, and mountain biking nearly everyday of the week. When I got fed up with society, I would throw in a longer bike or run to get away for a while.
Track season came and I ran in circles everyday for a couple months. I wen't to school everyday and struggled to complete my homework and to get decent grades in my classes. Then summer came. I roller skied a lot, sailed, ran, biked, and worked as a kayak guide in the Apostle Islands. The summer was my rehab for a long year of the same old, same old. Guiding taught me a lot about the way that nature took it's effect on people. I watched many customers go through many emotions on multiple day trips, always ending in a refreshed way with some new understanding in life that would help them return to their regular lives with a new outlook on life. One night I sat and pondered over all of the things that bugged me about society's rules and standards. At about 1:00 a.m. I decided to set out and clear my mind. I packed a backpack with some food and water, put on some warm clothes, and set out into the dense fog of the night. Hiding from each passing car, I made my way to a hilltop about six miles out of town. I couldn't see but ten feet in front of me, but it was a beautiful thing. I thought about everything during the five hours that I was out walking through the night. I thought about so much that when I returned, all that remained was a tranquil peace of mind.
That fall I attended Conserve, the place where I met many minds alike. Conserve gave me hope, it showed me that there were others like myself. Others who were looking to escape, who wanted to chase their dreams, who wanted to change the world. All of my best friendships can be linked back to Conserve. The love that I share is endless with those who I got to know for those amazing four months of ecstasy. I was as happy as anyone ever deserved to be while I was there, and enjoyed every part of my day. My love for the outdoors and nature grew immensely that semester. With this new piece of mind, I completed two 20 mile runs during my time there, both keeping me humble and reminding me that pain and suffering still existed.
I returned from Conserve. I hated school. I no longer talked to a lot of the kids from school. I only had two friends back at home, Ian and Eric, both whom had been by my side at Conserve. I let my grades wither. The only thing that I had going was the ability to understand. I now could see people for who they were, and not just what was on the outside. The second worst semester of my life ended and I again went to rehab. This time the trauma was significant, I had to do something enormous to heal myself. I hopped a train out to Portland Oregon that June and spent three weeks out west backpacking in Olympic National Park, exploring the Columbia River Gorge, and Mt. biking on Mt. Hood. I returned from that trip to spend a week with my family camping on Madaline Island for the 4th of July. Leaving the Island the afternoon of the 4th, I set out for another week adventure with two good Conserve buddies on Isle Royal on Lake Superior. If a week in the desolate wilderness of Isle royal hadn't given me enough time to think, I spontaneously decided to go on a biking trip around Lake Superior only a week after I had returned to the mainland. Sixteen days on my own, and 1,300 miles. It was on this trip that I adopted the philosophy that "It's not an adventure until something goes wrong." My uncle spoke this to me as I conversed with him on the third day of my trip. I had just endured many difficult scenarios, including forgetting equipment, equipment malfunctions, being low on money, and insane weather. He made me realize that the more obstacles that I hurdle, the greater the adventure, and the more I would gain from the experience. This trip broke me down and rebuilt me several times throughout. I was on the verge of loosing it at one point. Every time I thought that things couldn't get worse, they did. But then at true rock bottom, a sudden change would occur, and everything would go so right, making all of the suffering worth it. The lower the lows, the higher the highs. When that ended, I met up with some close friends from Conserve for a week. That weekend we met up with the rest of the Conserve semester for a larger reunion. I was reminded of my love for these people, one in particular. She would become the reason behind many things that occurred in my life to come. I did a few other short trips to finish the summer, ultimately adding up to be the best summer of my life, teaching me the most of any simultaneous three months of my life.
I decided to go to college in a last second decision made with the help of an online decision maker. I will have to admit, part of me choosing college was because I wanted to keep up with the girl that had me in love, that has me in love. I felt that if I ran off into the world I would never get the chance at her again. And so I chose to wonder down her path, even though we were accepted into different colleges. I was kind of a slug over the summer. I only worked out about 10 times the whole summer, usually I would have worked out nearly that many times in a week. I worked two jobs to make money for college, and slouched around the rest of my days, sleeping in whenever I got the chance. There were a few times that I had too much on my mind and these were the times when I would set out on a long workout to clear my mind. One time I started running and didn't stop until I had completed 50 km, my first ultra. The other main workout that I did was because of the girl that I had fallen in love with. We're still best friends, but not having her there as much devastated me. I packed up a piece of chocolate cake that my friends Ian, Eric, and Brooke had brought me knowing that I was in a state of despair, and I set out on a fifty mile journey to a beach along the shore of Superior. I sat there and reflected on everything that I had been through that lead to where I was sitting on the beach at that moment, eating my cake. I finished my thoughts and biked home.
College sprung upon me quite quickly it seemed and soon I was flustered with a million commitments and activities every day of every week, this was the college life I would find. Western State Colorado University is where I sit today and where I confirmed ultra running as a life style that I am passionate about. The first week that I was here, I biked 152 miles in the 24 Hours In The Sage bike race, earning third place for single speed riders, and completing my first twenty four hour race. The trail running team opened new doors at Western. I placed second at a half marathon at Copper Peak in Colorado, and completed my first official marathon in Moab. I started going on extended runs, most of which were at least ten miles, and many around twenty. Duncan, my trail running coach is a very humble guy. I discovered that he is an elite ultra runner, having won races such as the Leadville 100. He has given me the motivation to become an ultra runner for life.
Earlier this year I wrote in a notebook during a class lecture, "When I first started as an ultra runner, I questioned my own sanity. I thought that I might be a little crazy and I wasn't sure if a one hundred mile race was something that I should try to achieve. I still joke about the status of my sanity, that I may be insane for running ultra-marathon distances. As I've completed more ultras however, I have realized that endurance running is the only thing keeping me sane. When I'm fed up with society, school, work, or whatever else, ultra running is my cure. It reminds me that no matter how hard something is, it is possible to push through, and things will get better. You have to push through the heat of the day. Running allows me to think, to think through life, my relationships with others, everything that is going wrong, and to think about all of the things that I have been blessed with. Sure there are hard points in an 100 mile race, even 100 km, and 50 mile races have their hard points. There will almost always be something that goes wrong over a hundred miles, but it's not an adventure until something goes wrong. Over coming those issues is what makes it a real accomplishment." There are only two cures to every issue that I come across in life, love being the first, and running endlessly the second. Currently, running has shown to be the more dependable cure, the one that I can always rely on.
To end with a note looking forward to the future. I wrote this a few weeks ago. "The Kettle Moraine 100 will be my first 100 mile running race. I am running it in honor of my grandma Geisen, who has cancer. I don't know how many days she has left, so I want to do something to help remember her, to show her that I care."
Love to all,
~Kevin Geisen